You spoke of wanting to be more of an activist; laudable, assuming that the experience of being an activist suits you.
In college we made a study of systems and injustice. Investigated capitalism and found that both wealth and poverty are an inevitable consequence. Saw that the history of racist policy in this country has not closed, and that even if it did the inequalities will affect our institutions for generations to come. We looked at the destruction of our environment as related to the industrial revolution, and the implications of our resource usage for undeveloped nations. We considered the problems we create when we assume that other cultures are supposed to want what we want.
It was all very complicated and interesting, and left me burning wish to go out and change the world.
Since then I have learned that behind all the complexity things remain simple. Everything I learned could be summarized: "Life is suffering. Trying to change that creates more suffering." Every system of suffering I have ever seen was born of someone's attempt to make the world a better place, if not for others then for themselves. We don't create our dreams: we create our dreaming.
There is a way out, of course, but I only know a part of it. Suffering is alleviated when we learn to accept and work with it. Here is where I am challenged:
Given that we are made for both joy and sorrow, hunger and satisfaction, love and loneliness, how do we live in the world in such a way that we can encompass all of these things? If misery is inevitable, can we use our lives and creativity such that we are not its allies? Is this wish a trap as well?
I am not the first to ask such questions. Maybe I should look it up on Google...